Put into Perspective

Things I want to say...

Dear Daddy, 

Tomorrow may be your last day here with us in person.  It is so hard to watch you slowly slip away from us day by day to the point where you seem trapped in a small world so far away.  We watched as your diagnosis of cancer started you down the path where everyday, it took a bit of you from us.  You went from travelling the world and enjoying your retirement to a small room where we come to see you and speak to you without really hearing your voice again.  I know the man who loved and raised me is there, listening as I tell you about our lives and the outside, but I miss you -- the whole you -- who took 

You were the first man who ever loved me.  And though I did not understand it at the time, Mom always said we were lucky that you were happy with daughters. I guess in America it is a bit strange to say, but when I was older, I started to understand the old world mentality.  You never held back because we were girls though.  You took us fishing, crabbing, and shrimping.  You taught us how to shoot a target and trap raccoons who snuck into our garbage.  You raised us to be frugal and to value experience over things.  We never had much growing up, but you spent equivalent of one-tenth of your annual take home pay to take us to Hong Kong to see our relatives.  We lived simply, and I never missed out on anything. 

You used to tell us stories of how you came to America with very little.  But you are leaving rich in love and family.  You were never one for emotion.  I remember how surprised I was when we got to college, and you started saying "I love you" on the phone.  It was a bit jarring to hear after all of those years, but we always knew. You were strict to our faces, but we heard you brag about us behind our backs. 

I still remember that "talk" you gave me the night before I left for college. You asked me to "give Chinese guys a chance".  I still laugh about that to this day with Caroline.  Well, at my wedding, you got your wish though I am sorry I forgot to kiss you after you walked me down the aisle.  Though you never dance, thank you for dancing the father-daughter dance with me.  It meant a lot.  

Remember when I was pregnant with Jonathan?  You guessed it even before Mom did.  She did not believe you when you told her, but you knew.  You were so happy to become a Grandpa.  You came to care for all three of my babies when they were born, spending hours walking them around in the night so I could sleep. You adored them, and they in turn, adore you even the littlest one who got in her Grandpa time just before your cancer spread so extensively. She will not remember you, but we took lots of photos and have lots of stories to tell her about the Grandfather who loved her and held her even when he was very very sick.  

Bethany said today that she was sad you were sick, and that she hoped you would be better soon.  I explained that you would be better when you were with God in heaven.  Jonathan made you some cards to comfort you in these final days.  He even wrote "I really like Grandpa" in Chinese without any prompting.  Not bad for a 5 year-old all-American kid. 

I will always remember when I was feeding you yogurt and telling you about the kids a few weeks ago.  Though you can barely speak, you grabbed my leg and held it as we talked.  Well, mostly I talked but you listened.  I knew you were telling me that you were there inside listening. And I was glad to be there for you after all you had done for me.  

You lived a life full of family and love. Though there were many hardships, there were also many blessings.  I do not want to grieve as much as I want to remember you in joy and share that joy with my children.   Thank you for being a wonderful father and role model.  Thank you for loving us and caring for us even when we were trying your patience.  Thank you for being the blessing in our lives that God made you to be.  

You will always be the first man I ever loved.  

YK

Week number 1 with 3 kids...

After a week and a half, everyone is adapting to the beloved little being who joined us last week. She looks just like her big brother and sister as babies, so much so that is a bit disorienting. We wonder what her personality will be like.  So far, the only salient fact about Danielle is that she has her nights and days confused.  It makes for a frustrating night since she seems to be only wide awake from 3am to 7:30am every day.  Ugh!  

Her big brother and sister are enjoying her a lot.  They sing her little songs and fight to play with her.  It is adorable.  Big sister, Bethany, is particularly helpful getting her milk, bringing her stuffed animals to play with and telling her stories. Unfortunatley, Sleeping Beauty sees none of it as she is sleeping in the daylight hours.  

Life has been hectic, but we have been blessed. 

Blessings in the midst of cancer

 

In September, we got a call from my father that there was a shadow on his chest x-ray.  I thought back to when Bethany was born, and he came to help out with her.  He had coughed and coughed all night when he was here.  He thought it was an allergy to black pepper.  When he called, I remember thinking, why didn't I make him go see a doctor sooner?  She was 20 months old already.  He had sat up with her all night rocking her when she could not sleep.  Would he not be able to watch her grow up? 

We found out a week later it was Stage IV lung cancer.  We are not sure of the cause since he did not smoke, but about 1 in 10 cases of lung cancer are in non-smokers.  How could this happen? 

The past few months have been tough.  We convinced my parents to move in with my sister's family to undergo treatment.  It is hard to be so far away and know there is not much I can do to help.  We visit, of course, but in the end, we leave all of the hard work to Caroline and David.

The treatment has been hard on him, but in some ways we are so blessed.  The average lifespan for a lung cancer of this type is only months, but he has been doing pretty well.  The metastasis in his brain are gone, and his cancer tested positive for the EFGR mutation which makes him a good candidate for an amazing drug that came onto the market just a few years ago.  Only 10 to 20% of people are lucky enough to have this mutation.  Today we found out that his cancer is down from 7cm to 2cm.  He is beating the odds. 

Life is so precious.  I want my children to know their Grandpa.  He was the one who came and cared for them when they were each born.  He held them when they slept and rocked them when they could not.  He took the 5am feedings when I could not handle it, and David was back at work.  But I want them to know him as I know him once they are old enough to understand.  I pray we just have that time. 

Blessings come in different forms. If I could wish this cancer away, I would do so in a heartbeat, but barring that, I need to find something meaningful out of it.  And I choose to think of it everyday as a reminder of how fragile and unpredictable life is.  And how we are blessed to be able to love and be loved. 

Love you, Dad!

I am 1 month old!

I am officially one month old!  Yup, that is me.  It has been one eventful month.  But I guess the first month of anyone's life is pretty eventful since the previous 9.5 months were spent in the dark.  Here is what I did so far:

1. I love to eat.  I am a very on time baby.  When three hours have passed since the start of my last feeding, I know it and immediately call for food.  And I eat and eat like it is going out of style.  It makes Mommy a bit crazy that I am so voracious since she spends 7 hours a day just feeding me. 
   
2. Mommy and Daddy think I am being held too much.  But I know the truth.  There is no such thing as too much holding. They are trying to keep me from waking big brother (which I do a lot), and so I scream and get picked up.  Parents: 0, Bethany: 30!  Haha!
3. I have wasted tons of diapers.  I happen to like to pee immediately when someone removes my diaper, so all of my clothes, the new diaper, and even the floor or Mommy and Daddy's bed will get all wet depending on where I am being changed.  
4. I wear a lot of blue, so most people think I am a little boy. That and I sort of look like my big brother still.  I think I have my Aunt Caroline's nose. 
5. I like the play all night and sleep all day, and nothing that Daddy and Mommy do helps!  I guess I am just used to the dark from being inside Mommy. 
6. Jonathan stole my pink teddy bear from my Auntie Susan and Uncle Greg.  He calls it his 'Baby Bear' and sleeps with it every night.  I am too little to tell him I want it back, but when I get big enough, I am taking it.
7. I hate my crib.  The minute my head touches the mattress, I wake up and cry.  I can sleep on the couch, my parent's bed, or in the car seat, but that crib is Kryptonite.  Once I get near that crib, I wake up and fuss.   But my parents are persistent.  They keep putting me in it, and I keep fighting it.  We will see who comes out on top!
8. I love the large exercise ball.  Just bounce me on there for 20 mins and I am out like a light.  I could bounce all night!  At least it is good exercise for my parents, right? 
9. I like my big brother, but he is sometimes jealous of me.  I think he thinks I take up too much of our parent's time.  He does try to play and hang out with me though, and he pushes me in the swing when I cry.  
10. I sleep with my eyes open.  That is something strange that Daddy does too.  I am just wanting to keep an eye on what is going on while I am sleeping. 
11. I cry like a little ducky (qua, qua, qua). And I squeak a lot.  Mommy calls me her little ducky or squeaker. 
    

It has been a fun month.  I am busy crying, eating, and sleeping.  See you next month! 

Back home again...

Another trip for the baby and Jonathan.  These are some well-traveled little ones, particularly the one still inside.  She has been to Hong Kong twice, Chicago, Dallas and North Carolina.  We hit 8 months tomorrow, so she has been on 10 flights since conception.  But after this last trip for Thanksgiving, we are putting up the luggage for awhile.  I have no interest in giving birth on an airplane, and I think the discomfort of sitting still for longer than 30 mins at a time is really getting to me.  Not the mention a certain little 2 year old who likes to climb all over me and his little sister on airplanes. 

J was able to spend some time with his Grandpa and Grandma on his father's side.  He had so much fun, but that is possibly because the spoil him and love him to death.  When we arrived, they had bought a little chair, took out all of his DH's toys from childhood, and had a bunch of new cars all laid out.  And his Grandma had bought everything he liked to eat and baked goodies for him.  The week passed quickly. We will not get a chance to see them for a bit given the new baby.  I am not sure I am up to hauling 2 little ones cross country yet. I need to work my way up to that I think. 

I am 26 months old!

I am 26 months old!  Mommy is very tired lately, so she keeps me off the computer for the most part.  Sorry for the delay in updating you!  We have been so busy at my house.

1. I know 5 songs - ABC Song, Twinkle Twinkle, Jesus Loves Me, Paiya (in Chinese), and 123 (in Chinese).  I like to sing to myself when I go to sleep.  I also like to sing in the car, while I am playing, eating and so on.  I like to make up words to the songs which makes Mommy nuts.
2. I like to play with my Mega Bloks Cars.  I love my police car and race car so much, I sleep with them.  No one is allowed to play with them without my permission.
3.    I started sleeping in the Big Bobo Bed.  Every night, Mommy asks me "Do you want to sleep in the Baby Bed or Big Bobo Bed?" And of course, I shout "Big Bobo Bed!"  But sometimes I sneak out.  So Mommy and Daddy put up a little gate to keep him from coming outside.
4. I love to dance.  And I make everyone else dance with me as well.  But they must stand up and move.  Sometimes I make them hold one of my stuffed animals.
5. My Grandmother came to visit, and I was so happy to be with her!  She is awesome.  She plays with me all day and makes me yummy food. 
6. I learned to answer the question "What is your name in 3 different languages?"  I answer "Jonny-than".  I can also answer "How old you are you?" in the language you ask me.  It is endlessly amusing to my parents.
7. I went to the pumpkin patch with my friends.  We tried strawberry picking also that day, but one of my friends just pulled out the leaves, another ran away, and I fell into a big mud puddle.  There is a photo of us riding the wagon. 
8. I enjoy hanging with my daddy.  He and I are the best of friends. He plays the guitar and sings to me.  We hang on my bean bag and I drink my evening milk.  He brushes my teeth.
9. My favorite bedtime book is the Going-To-Bed Book.   My Mommy asks me what is next, and I can tell her.  I just love love love it! 
10. I am obsessed with vehicles.  I can name over two of them including Helicopters, Cement Trucks, Tractors and more!  I go crazy when I see a taxi or a trailer.  Sometimes I put one car on top of the trunk of another and say "Look, a tow truck!"

I better run.  It is late and I am headed to the Big Bobo Bed.  Nighty night! 

Backing up your computer

I have been obsessed with backing up my computer lately. So I am now trying out a service called Carbonite which does online backup.  It worked relatively well so far.  I am also looking into getting a physical backup system that I can swap out to store things.  It is hard to know what is best, but my friend who is the head of development security at a big tech company is helping me out with the options.  Just remember to back up your memories.  Or all of them could just go poof! 

So take a look of what we can lose - this is a photo of J savoring a Chinese Egg Tart while we were eating dim sum.  If your hard drive were to crash, all of your memories of your little ones would be gone.  And friends.  And family. So remember to back up! 

Oh yeah, this month, Amazon is offering a $20 gift certificate if you buy $100 in diapers - check it out here Diapers Discount.  This is great if you kiddo is still in diapers.  I may have to go back and also buy some for the new baby too.

The RAKs went out this weekend.  So if you won, keep an eye on your mailbox.

 

I am 26 months old!

Mommy has been sick due to the little baby in her tummy , so I am very behind in writing about what is going on.  A lot has been happening, so I better get started.

1. And I am going to be a big brother!  Can you believe it?  I went to see the ultrasound last week, and I could see my little sib dancing around.  It was fun!  After we left, I kept wanting to go back in to see the baby.
2. School is getting better.  I am still shy, but I am getting used to it.  I am learning a lot of Mandarin and English on top of my Cantonese. 
3. I climbed out of my crib for the first time a couple of days ago. I am tall enough to stick my leg over the side.  Mommy and Daddy are going to move me to a big kid bed soon so I do not fall and hurt myself. 
4. I love to sing!  I take words I like and sing to the ABCD song tune over and over. Like "milk, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk". It is something my Daddy does a lot, and it makes Mommy crazy.
5. I love to dance too.  I ask Mommy and Daddy to turn on some tunes and we dance around the house like crazy people.  It is so much fun, and it gets my energy out before bed.
6. Mom and Dad have these large exercise balls.  And I have a little ball.  And we all bounce and bounce and have fun together. 
7. I play in Mommy and Daddy's closet.  I like to open and close the doors and walk through the clothes.  I pretend to be missing and then it makes Mommy and Daddy ask where I am.  And I open the door and pop out and say "I am here!"
8. I love to play in the yard.  When I get out of the car, I run to our little fenced in front yard and run around and make Mommy chase me.
9. When Mommy or  Daddy go outside, I want to go too. So I grab my shoes and run to the door so I will not be left out.  I am always begging to go outside to play. 
10. I love my new Foogo Bottle.  I carry it around and sometimes when I go to school, I cling onto it and they have to pry it from my hands.  It is a safe bottle and does not leak!  Yeah!  Although I have chewed through two straws already.

I better run!  Mommy and Daddy just found out the gender of my little baby brother or sister.  But that will have to wait for another day... :)

Just a little announcement from Jonathan

I know,  I know.  I have been terrible about blogging recently.  Things are a bit crazy at our house, and here is Mr. J to clue you in as to why....

It has been a bad few months for me.  But I am feeling better now and mostly back in the game.  In the meantime, Caroline and David have really picked up my slack on Maya Road.  I was so tired, I could barely crawl to the computer to finalize the designs and catalogs for the summer show.  And being sick every night (why do they call it 'morning' sickness anyhow?) did not help in the least.  Man, I am surprised the hum an population can continue with pregnancies like this! 

In the meantime, J is growing up quickly.  He learned to recite a Chinese poem today.  It is the most famous of all of them about a moon rising over a bed (sounds better in Chinese, trust me).  I am surprised my mom could teach him that in 1 day, but she did.  He walks around saying the words over and over.  He also walks around counting to 20 in Cantonese and then Mandarin.  This from the kid who was barely speaking at 16 months and seemed so behind we were going to send him to speech therapy!  Our prayers were really answered.  He also learned to spell and read his first real word "STOP".  And he can tell you which key on the piano is C and F and so on.  He is a bright little one, though now we cannot stop him from talking -- ever!

I was looking at photos of him at 6 months, and I cannot believe how much he has grown and grown!  He looks just the same, only now he is a little boy!  Check out this archive photo of J and N together at 6 months (from Christmas 2006).  They were just hanging out and having fun at Great Grandma's house.  Now they are too active to even have photos taken together.  The minute you get one on the couch the other has climbed off.  No more cute little posed shots. 

Guess who is 2 years old?

Mommy is really behind getting me on the computer.  Since my birthday, she has been super busy due to that little thing called CHA Summer.  We flew to Chicago and spent a week with my Grandparents.  It was fun to hang out with them.  We played in the hotel all day, but I did not like to eat.  I just missed home I think.  The fun part is that I got to look at the window by the hotel crib, and I could see airplanes, buses and trains!  It was so much fun since I love vehicles.  I stayed up all night and day looking out the window. 

I am back to do my monthly list.  This month, I decided to do a theme.  22 reasons, I love being 2!

1. I get to start school!  There is so many fun things to do there.  I learn Mandarin Chinese and English with the other kiddos.  Mommy is sad that I am not learning Cantonese, but she is going to keep it up at home to make sure I do not forget.
2. I can finally really hold conversations with my parents. We go on walks, and I like to name everything in Mandarin and Cantonese.  Then I make Mommy and Daddy say it after me.  And the first word I learned to read?  S-T-O-P!  I love the stop signs on our walk. 
3. I love cars.  I can name about 15 types of vehicles. Planes, trailers, police cars, fire trucks, buses, tow trucks and more!  But my favorite word is ambulance.  I say it all the time just to myself. 
4. My lovey is my rare Pooh bear with an exception for the Nightlight Turtle, the IKEA music turtle, a wolf I call Coyote, and a couple blue doggies.  But Pooh is my favorite.  I cannot sleep without him, and Mommy and Daddy need to haul him all over the world.  Too bad he is HUGE, and he is one of a kind.  Apparently, he was only sold in Costco for a month and never again.  They are so rare, none even show up on eBay  So Mommy had to beg her friends for their kiddo's Pooh bears because mine is falling apart. :( 
5. I love the Backyardigans, probably because that is the only show I am allowed to watch.  I get to see about 5 minutes of video at a time, but I always ask, "Tai tai, Pablo" (watch Pablo).
6. Ice cream is the best!  I get to eat more of it now that I am older.
7. I can finally climb into the minivan.  It took me months to learn how to do it, but now I can get into the car by myself.
8. I can now climb onto the couch myself.  I used to be too short, and Mommy told me to pull a cushion down on the floor to climb up.  But I did not like to do that because it seemed messy.  Now I do not need it!
9. I am learning to draw.  I used to make others draw for me, but now I scribble on my drawing board, and say "Fish" or "Dinosaur" - Mommy thinks they sort of look like a random scribble, but I am happy with them.
10. I get to drink water from a mug just like my parents!  I still DO NOT drink milk from a cup since that is just wrong to me.  I am not sure why though.
11. I can open the doors to the house by myself.  It is a dangerous new habit, but now everyone has to lock their doors or here I come!
12. I have my own seat on planes.  I know it is expensive, but I love sitting in my own seat with my stuffed animals and milk thermos.  I have a habit of kicking the seat in front of me, so I have to sit facing back.
13. I like to play pretend.  I pretend I am teaching my animals, or I pretend they are taking to each other.  I sometimes even feed my stuffed turtle.
14. I like to feed myself. Just hand me a fork, and off I go!  I also try chopsticks, but they are hard to hold in little hands. 
    
15. I am finally over my fear of church.  Mommy and Daddy despaired for nearly 15 months since I refused to stop crying at church KidZone.  And it was very stressful going each week.  But last week, I saw my favorite teacher, and off I went.  Hallelujah!
16. I learned to say "I love you!"  And now I say it all the time.  It makes me happy. :)
17. I am getting opinionated.  I used to do whatever Mommy and Daddy wanted, but now I want to eat what I like and do what I want.  And my favorite word is NO! 
18. I am tall enough to push strollers and carts.  I cannot wait to have sibling so I can push him/her around the park.  Right now, I have to make do with Noah when we see each other.
19. I am able to see over the dinner table so I can grab anything on it.  And boy, do I!  I like to reach for my cars that I roll across the table, any good food there, Daddy's computer, and just generally wreck havoc on the stuff my parent's laid out.
20. I am big enough to go down the slide alone. So Mommy and Daddy take me a few times a week to play in the playground.  I used to be too scared to go down with out one of them, but now, I am a big boy, and I count to 3 and go right down.
21. I can open doors, even the ones with the pesky round handles.  Now that I am tall enough, I can reach up and pop, I am in!  Makes my parents lock doors more often so I do not end up in the garage or in the street. 
22. I am a big boy, and no longer a baby!  Now I when I see babies I point and say "Baby!" :)  But they are small, not like me!